Sunday, 06 July 2008
-
help
it's my first time here and i hope it will be well..i want to tell my story and i want help..
i am a catholic and i do believe in GOD.i have friends also who are christians and we go all very well.
when i was in my sophomore year,i had a hard time in my life.i rebelled to my parents.why?i have a friend who is so problematic.she always tell her problems to me until one time i also realized my problems and hidden anger,guilt,shame and fear.i remember the time that i'm so jealous of my brother and i think that my parents don't want me anymore.the jealousy and insecurities that i shrugged off.the problems that are unsolved are kept hidden in my heart.and when i realized everything,i started to be confused,to be angry,to be stressed and to be depressed.i'm not the kind of person who tell her problems to her parents or friends.i may tell them some of my problems but not all.i always go on with life and i act as if everything is okay.i acted as if everything was okay.then my insecurities and jealousy grew and grew.my anger and shame are bottled up.i taught myself how to control emotions and i forced myself not to cry.and because of that,i felt so alone and i felt like god was punishing me.i even slowed down myself praying and going to church.i was mad at everyone.but i can't take the pain anymore that i started taking higher doses of antibiotics and i started cutting.then after a year,it is still the same but then i'm more depressed and my friends started to leave me.i tried to change but i always go back to start.and now,my depression is going deeper that i don't believe in anything,that i want to commit suicide,that i think god hates me so much,that i can't feel his presence anymore.
i want to change but how??
-
recommend
- recs 0
-
share
-
email
- sent 0
Post a Comment
- Back to saveme's Revelife Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in saveme's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (3)
well... God hating you is SO wrong on many Doctrinal, theological, and Scriptural levels... so you can rest at ease knowing God doesn't hate you... Scripture says He loves His children... i mean, He sent Jesus to die for you so... that's love right there...
it's a matter of where you place your satisfaction in life. I recommend you talk to your pastor or clergy... keep going to church... but before all of that... begin elevating Jesus to the highest point in your satisfaction... Scripture says "Taste and see that the Lord is good..."
if you want to change, you need to begin just simply asking God to help you, forgive you, draw near to you... then taste of Him... get in a place with Him and be intimate with Him... then begin to embrace the understanding that He is big enough to hold you, gentle enough to wipe away your tears, and strong enough to answer every question you throw at Him...
it takes steps... but keep stepping though... God's not afraid of your questions and issues... but you should draw near to Him... just begin to savor the flavor of all that Jesus is... Jesus is: God, Savior, King, Crown-wearer, World Changer, Soul-lover, Sin bearer, Star Breather... just go on and on... and pray
First of all, God could never hate you. Remember, above all, you are His most precious child, and He is your Father, who wants nothing from you, but will give you the desires of your heart. He hears your cries, little one, and desires to dry your tears and comfort your soul. Change? You've already started. Just listen, pray, and picture yourself at the foot of the Cross, and lay your burdens down before Him. He'll pick them up; He's promised.
Prayers for peace for your soul...
Oh my goodness, God loves you soooo much. He's probably crying right now over the pain you're going through. He wants you to come to Him. He's our Dad and our Comforter. Just let Him hold you and pour His peace over you. It's the Peace that surpasses all our understanding. Searching for Him is the first step. He'll come to you, let Him in... :) Don't give up sister.
Much love in Christ.