it's my first time here and i hope it will be well..i want to tell my story and i want help..
i am a catholic and i do believe in GOD.i have friends also who are christians and we go all very well.
when i was in my sophomore year,i had a hard time in my life.i rebelled to my parents.why?i have a friend who is so problematic.she always tell her problems to me until one time i also realized my problems and hidden anger,guilt,shame and fear.i remember the time that i'm so jealous of my brother and i think that my parents don't want me anymore.the jealousy and insecurities that i shrugged off.the problems that are unsolved are kept hidden in my heart.and when i realized everything,i started to be confused,to be angry,to be stressed and to be depressed.i'm not the kind of person who tell her problems to her parents or friends.i may tell them some of my problems but not all.i always go on with life and i act as if everything is okay.i acted as if everything was okay.then my insecurities and jealousy grew and grew.my anger and shame are bottled up.i taught myself how to control emotions and i forced myself not to cry.and because of that,i felt so alone and i felt like god was punishing me.i even slowed down myself praying and going to church.i was mad at everyone.but i can't take the pain anymore that i started taking higher doses of antibiotics and i started cutting.then after a year,it is still the same but then i'm more depressed and my friends started to leave me.i tried to change but i always go back to start.and now,my depression is going deeper that i don't believe in anything,that i want to commit suicide,that i think god hates me so much,that i can't feel his presence anymore.
i want to change but how??
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